When i look at it, my siblings, the ones who came from the same mother and share my blood, and I are so different that it's scary. Put the three of us in line with someone who doesn't know any of us three and they would have no indication that we are all related. We don't look alike, we all have lived very separate lives, near completely void of the company of each others company, and i don't believe i have ever had one of those outings where it was just us, no other party. Though they may have, as i am nearly eleven years younger.
Sad fact indeed, but i believe that, had we been as close as the normal siblings, that our inevitable split would have been a factor in my life that would have left me a changed person. Therefore not who i am now, a person who i am happy with.
Rarely do i think of my immediate family in more than a "they exist and are my family therefore i love them" aspect. As i don't recall ever being entirely close to any of them to a point of being open with myself completely; besides my grandmother. Honestly, i have extended periods of time where i get so consumed in my own life and going-ons that i completely space that i have siblings who are linked to me by blood. But when i remember it's a great feeling. Knowing that, though i call some friends brother and sister, i have real, tangible, genetic siblings who love me.
Sad fact indeed, but i believe that, had we been as close as the normal siblings, that our inevitable split would have been a factor in my life that would have left me a changed person. Therefore not who i am now, a person who i am happy with.
Rarely do i think of my immediate family in more than a "they exist and are my family therefore i love them" aspect. As i don't recall ever being entirely close to any of them to a point of being open with myself completely; besides my grandmother. Honestly, i have extended periods of time where i get so consumed in my own life and going-ons that i completely space that i have siblings who are linked to me by blood. But when i remember it's a great feeling. Knowing that, though i call some friends brother and sister, i have real, tangible, genetic siblings who love me.
And yet, somehow, it is a terrible burden to bear.
An interesting aspect though. I have no idea how people with siblings who share the same parents stay in contact after juvenile life. I have no knowledge as to the basic dealing of family life except a few tidbits with a family not my own. It is a subject that fascinates me and peaks my highest interest. In my mind i imagine family life to be a wonderful irritation.
Let me specify that last statement.
It seems like living in a household with a mother, father, and siblings would be a happy thing. Speaking around the dinner table, having schedules, events, check ups, and a caring environment is what most people in modern society strive for. Yet i think having the restrictions of a loving family would drive me mad. I am, in common phrase, a free spirit. I also preform most of my social activities from eight pm to two am, as that is when my body feels most awake. (I'm nocturnal by nature) And this is something i am very aware is not tolerated in normal households.
So, reflecting back, I realize part of my body strives for the love and warmth of a family environment, but my spirit and mind flourish in this unrestricted freedom i have gained. Maybe my instinctual sadness at not being close to my family will one day fade.
And that loss of weight may very well allow me to fly.
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